my heart is in so much pain.
i don't know why? i feel terribly homesick right at this moment. if i could be given just a day to be with my family. i'd be really glad and thankful. i need that. i need a support. because it seems that my life is falling apart. i'm losing grip. the current me is i'm standing on a line between letting go and how much more i can take.
when i performed prayer just now. somehow, i had tears in my eyes. i was praying to God with tears in my eyes. gosh, i miss them so much. i feel so very alone. i have so many people around me. but why do i feel unhappy? why do i feel empty? i worry so much. even a tiny little thing. i freak out. this is a test for me. Allah is testing me. i should not lose faith. please Tina. don't lose hope. Ya Allah, please set my heart free from sadness and emptiness. And please help me forget the things that worry me so much. i can't breath for it weighs heavy in my heart. like i could stop breathing anytime.
i'm so sick of putting fake smile on my face everytime. i'm tired of pretending to be happy go lucky whereas am not. why am i not like the others? why is it always me? why am i different. funny. i asked a lot. but i never get any answers. life is a riddle. sometimes, you just can't figure it out.
i missed the good old days. i miss to have them around me. i wish there's someone who could give me a little hug at this moment. a lil hug is enough to nurse my aching heart. a friend maybe?