in a pain.

oh god,
what's wrong with me??
not feeling grateful to what i already had.
blaming the fate,
blaming the god,
astagfirullahalzim..
what's wrong with u Tina??
where is your faith??
where is your confidence?
where is your positive thought?

i'm helpless,
i lost,
i gave up,
life is cruel,
i hate them.
somebody need to guide me.
i'm losing the right path.
i'm losing the aims of life.

love??
there is no such thing like true love.
i don't believe in true love.
in this world, beauty will win, but the kindness and pure heart will lose.
this is the fact of life.
i sounded like i just broke up with my boyfriend right.
but trust me, none of it happened.
i didn't break up with anybody.
something has just happened that forcing me to write this entry.
somebody said something to me.
something that is very hurtful.
it made my heart paining.
my heart is paining.
and i want it to stop paining.

i'm afraid i won't be able to give love to people,
i'm afraid my heart will turn into a stone. a cold stone.
i'm afraid i won't trust them anymore.
i'm afraid i won't experience the feeling of it anymore.
i'm afraid my heart will close forever.

i wish i don't have a heart at all.
because my heart is paining and aching every single day.
i wish i won't be able to feel anything.
i wish this, i wish that!!
so many wishes.
i should be careful for what i wished for.
why life seems so hard?
why? why?
why can i just disappear from this life.
i can't take it anymore.
there is so much pain inside my life, my heart.
people keep giving me pain.

i just want to be happy. that's all. help me Ya Allah.
i'm losing faith. i tried so hard not to lose faith in You.
please guide me Ya Allah.
hanya kepada Mu aku berserah dan meminta pertolongan.

hamba Allah yg lemah,
Me.